the malfatti problem. my life in the singularity.

I’ve had a weird image in my head from a really creepy dream I had a few nights ago. Things don’t usually stick around like this, especially dreams. I’ve decided to stop eating after nine o’clock. As Ebenezer said, “… a little thing affects [one's senses]. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than grave about you…”

Everybody wants to be a writer. True story. Even the ones that say they’re “not interested in that stuff” — especially those people. This “blog” fad (which one blogger recently claimed is “a dead art-form”. already?) is proof of just that. People are egotistical narcissists. There’s nothing wrong with that. I am, too. Obviously. Once you admit it, it makes life and everyone’s perception of you that much better — or at least less offensive to your sensibilities.

I’ll admit, I like writing. I like talking about stuff. I try to keep the “my life sucks, woah is me” posts to a minimum, but they do creep out from time to time. I like to observe things. I like hearing my own voice. I think people, as a whole, are stupid. Everyone does. They just think they’re too nice to say such things. They certainly don’t want to “hurt anyone’s feelings”. (i’m talking to you, all my ex-girlfriends.)

The blogging fad ain’t dead. It was here when Al Gore first imagined the internet into existence, it will be here when the 33rd century virtual stormtroopers declare “Digital Marshal Law” and turn the last circuit breaker to the web to the “O” position. People just get upset that they don’t get as many hits as Perez-Fuckin-Hilton, or that stupid “Britney-Guy”! (*editor’s note* - normally in a situation like this, both of those references would be linked to their respective websites, but i won’t do it. it’s bad enough i needed to use their names a points of reference, but i won’t be accused of promoting it.)

To paraphrase a line from a tv show, ‘it’s not that these blogs are filled gratuitously pointless information or shameless and embarrassing gossip, it’s that they suck. they’re terrible. if we could just get people to stop writing crappy blogs, more people would start reading more of them, more often, i promise you’.

Just in case you’re wondering, this is one of the blogs that suck.

And stuff.

Today I was checking out my friend Tonger’s blog.

He writes this anecdote that starts out with a message from his Doctor: “This message is for Tonger, please give us a call in regarding your blood test result”

My immediate reaction was like Oh crap, why is he writing this?

For as long as I could remember, if there was no point to a story, Tonger would never post it on his blog. There’s be no reason to waste my time.

So after reading that post I started thinking he broke his promise to me, and my mind went thru the list of silly things Tonger would continue to post in the future just to lure me into a false sense of insecurity.

I finished the blog….

“Hi my name is Tonger I’m returning your call regarding my blood test result”

“Tonger can we call you back in a few minutes, I need to verify something with Dr Morris really quick.”I was like, “oh crap! This story isn’t over yet … when will he just get to the point??”

A few lines later …

“Tonger, the Doctor wants to let you know that your blood test result came back perfect, and good luck with all of your training.”

Well Why the hell did he write this post in the first place! Twenty seconds of my life I’m never getting back!

so, while i was updating my blogroll, i decided to take a look at my buddies’ sites, see if there have been any updates today. as it turns out, my friend dan’s most recent post was about none other … than me!

ironically enough, on the same day i decide to completely revamp the malfatti problem from its previous version, he decided to start going thru links of his friend’s sites and do a little promo work for us. thanks, dan. and for that, you deserve just as much.

dan, himself, actually has about eight hundred thousand blogs (i’m estimating, of course), but i shall specifically focus on his personal one, also known as the dribble. you can, of course, link to all his other sites from there.

known dan for a while, now. we met when i was working as a waiter/bartender/cook and the old toad here in the roc. i don’t know if we met directly from his association with the students from the eastman school (who, for a while, made a regular thursday night visit to the toad) or if we met indepently of that. but it was soon that we realized the frightening similarities, except the music thing … he’s talented - i’m not. but movies, darts, family guy and good beer … that’s really all a couple of dudes need.

now, before this rant becomes a treatment for brokeback valley, i shall again thank dan for the kudos on my web presence and direct you to check out his, the dribble. enjoy!