the malfatti problem. my life in the singularity.

You know something? Because I don’t.

We live ours lives. We take things as they come and try not to let anything get the best of us (most of us, anyway). We look out for number one (as we all should). Life-altering changes take time to come, but when they finally do, they hit you like a rush of … wait. I hate similes.

You get my point.

After six years in Western New York, my time here is quickly coming to an end. A year ago I was fantasizing about the idea of something else, somewhere else. Nine month ago I made a hollow promise to leave by this Spring. Six months ago, I hoped it would happen. Sixteen weeks ago, it was definitely happening.

Each time it came up, it all seemed so far away. I had plenty of time to plan. We always have plenty of time to get everything in order.

Right?

Well, it turns out that one year, nine months, six month, sixteen weeks has become eighteen days. It’s hitting me like a rush of …

As of April 2008, I will be a resident of the Center of the Universe. New York City.

Think I can succeed?

Fuck.

I don’t care what you think. The mere stating of that fact sounds hypocritical. Especially when it resides smack at the top of a “blog” on the “World Wide Web”.

People actually say “W.T.F.” and “L.O.L.” in daily dialog! Cyberspace is contributing to the death of not only the English language (thank you, Hank Moody) but the social fabric of this world.

First it was Pen-Pals. Then “Speed-Dating”. Now, there isn’t a lack of websites like eHarmony, match.com, J-Date and my favorite - Ashley Madison. Ashley Madison? ‘Hey ladies, I know you hate the dick-head of a husband you’re with, but don’t worry about ending the relationship before looking for a new man. Hell, you don’t even need to leave the house. Come learn adultery on the internet! Yay!”

Bitches.

There’s no judgment here at all. Not by me. People are going to do what they want to do, and that’s okay. I just want to know when it stopped happening in public and started happening at your computer desk. Go to the Laundromat, Grocery Store, Barnes & Noble or even Starbucks. Some of us prefer a venue specifically design for socialization … a bar, for instance - go figure. But where you choose to fraternize is your own business.

“I’ve been dating this guy for five months, he’s fantastic. So amazing!” She says.

“That’s great, Brenda. What’s his name?”

“Eddie. He’s so cute and smart, and just makes me feel so good. I can’t help it.”

“Wow. How come I’ve not met him yet?”

“Well, he lives in Sacramento.”

“But, Brenda. We live in Nashua. Sacramento is over three thousand miles from here … ”

“I know. I met him online –”

Actually, as far as I can tell, honey, you haven’t “met” anyone.

Until you are close enough to touch a person and actually speak to them from that distance, you’ve never met them. End of story. Just stop right there.

Maybe this is none of my business. I should just mind my own and let the people of the world do their thing without criticism from me. It’s just so damned hard sometimes.

Then again, why have a blog if I can’t tell everyone how much I hate them and what they do? Isn’t that why Al Gore created the Interweb?

And porn, of course.

New Year, New Look.

New Promise to Post More Often.

Maybe.

And Stuff.

“Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor– and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.”

- First Thanksgiving Observance Proclamation, October 3, 1789 - George Washington